Dear BM59,
I fully understand your thinking, I too could not decide many years ago when I was in the Army if I was gay or just different. I had a close friend in the same unit that I actually fancied and so much wanted to test the water to see if he fancied me. It came very close several times but we ended up being posted to different regiments and that was that!
When in Singapore I deliberately went with a prostitute just to prove I wasn't gay and following that encounter proved to myself that the love of all things feminine and my attraction of 'Lady Boys' cleared the air in some way but left me bereft in others.
I too am in my sixties, still married (JUST) with a huge passion to transition. I too have it on my mind from morning to night, so much so, that I have set aside most of my other interests. I am consumed with the passion of growing breasts and try to adopt as much an androgynous outlook that my wife will tolerate without another argument. Some of my family know my feelings and my wife is dead against me telling my brother and his wife in fear of them shunning us.
I could say so much more but just want to , along with our eloquent sisters, say you are among friends who fully understand your dilemmas and where possible provide sound advice together with a cyber hug. Hope you find this of some help.
I noted you live in Cleveland , which one , Ohio or NE UK ?
Take care my friend.
Hugs
Heather