Lara, I fully agree and you could not have said it any better. Peace of mind and being and to live life not distracted mentally by not being me is the biggest issue I am dealing with, which is why I'd transition even of the odds of me passing well were not that great. I have so much time and energy wasted every day because I feel I can't focus on anything other than the need to transition. 

It is unfortunately really starting to affect all aspects of my life.

CM213

First I’m no mental health professional, but many degrees from the college of HARD KNOCKS, and older than most on this site.  I want to tell you and anyone else who has an interest in changing from MTF who are married to a cisgender wife.  

Before I came out to my wife I went through the normal soul searching.  But I asked myself what do you do to help your wife around the house?  Answer, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  I then asked myself,  what things am I willing to do around the house in order to LIVE like a women?  Answer, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

There’s a lot more in being a woman or wife, than growing big breast and looking pretty.  I do most of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, but she does help.

It may be as simple as showing your wife there are benefits for her.

A VERY HAPPY WOMAN!
Pooky

Pooky

Yes. I agree. I already do most things around the house. There are somethings that she does specifically since she wants it done a certain way and for the life of me I can't seem to ever get it right. But I do Alot around the house to help. My goal is to always make her life easier by taking things off her plate. 

But again it comes back to not feeling right in this body. I can do all the feminine things I want and try to be as feminine as possible while not having surgery or taking hormones but it doesn't change what I'm feeling about my body specifically my genitals.

So thank you for your input and advice. Doing those things help but not enough in terms of dysphoric issues towards my genitals. So again I reiterate that for me it's about peace of mind that comes with feeling that I'm finally in the correct body and gender.

Just trying to find away to get your wife on board, as it’s a lot easier with support.  As far as the dysphoria goes I’ve been better when living as female.  It’s no cure but helps, HRT seems to help, In my case the cure is srs.

Pooky

Pooky, 
Yes. Every little bit helps, but it only goes so far and then over time what used to help like under dressing painting nails etc does quite get the job done, slowly over time it takes more and more to keep things at bay for me to function and not have it affect my daily life. Like you said it is way easier with support, so much more if it's support from ones significant other. As every day passes by and what used to help get my by isn't doing the job as well as it did, I feel like you said the only thing that will put my mind at ease is bottom surgery.

I’m not going to give up.  After last visit with my PC DR. he said surgery was not out of the question even at your age. A few encouraging words.

So don’t give up.

Pooky

Pooky,

 there was never a time or thought in my mind that I would ever give up, and I know I'm at a good age, health and weight for any surgical procedures.

That’s great! Good luck with your journey.

Pooky

Pooky I wish you the same. The journey never ends, it just takes us to new places where we discover different truths about ourselves.

SO very happy for you!