I love your post, Calmly.

It sounds like your wife is accepting of your transgender nature, just fearful of possible negative consequences, and doesn't want to encourage you to transition, hence "she is trying to ignore it". In my way of thinking, that is a very hopeful sign as long as you can maintain her trust, and assure her that you will not proceed any further than she is ready for.

When dependent on an employer for an income source, the possibility of being subject to discrimination is still a real concern. The waters must be very carefully tested before jumping in. I think a more enlightened stance by business is well underway, however, and shouldn't be a major stumbling block, even today.

My guess is that the resistance to permanent facial hair removal is tied to her fear of your transgender condition getting out to others who may not be accepting.

And I, too, view the role of the Y chromosome as you suggest. It's main purpose is a simple flag which if present tells the body how to physically develop. Once born, that switch is not important, more an historical artifact than playing any active part in the body's function.

At my current age, when my vaginoplasty is complete, I'll consider myself as much a woman as any XX female who's gone through menopause. In fact, hormonally, I'll be more female as post-menopausal women's E levels drop dramatically compared to where I am on HRT.

I believe that what determines gender is centered in the brain, not what's between the legs. I think that when society comes to accept that fact, the invalidation and marginalization of trans people (particularly trans women) will end, and being married to a trans woman won't be burdened with the threat of social stigmatization that we see today.

Clara

Hi CA,

She also distrusts herbs etc, so she is insisting that I do this "properly" going down the HRT route under medical supervision. I have not mentioned to her being on WP and FG. Both she and my Dr think that PM is not sufficiently known and should be avoided. I am not sure I agree, but I will respect their wishes and go down the HRT route.

This is a huge decision. You owe it to yourself to not let it rest on a "distrust" - based on what? Or a particular GP's lack of knowledge.

Don't forget that many women are having mastectomies now because they possess a risk factor gene for breast cancer, which you could well possess. If so the risk would be the same for you. Have you considered genetic testing?

You owe it to yourself to do the research. Use Google Scholar to find clinical research papers. The evidence shows that PM protects against breast cancer.

Also, you will be running the risk of thrombosis with HRT, which is not the case with PM, and there are clinical papers that support that.

Then again, PM is available as a food supplement from Amazon in the USA, but Estrogen is not... what does that tell you?

Lastly, I'm surprised that your wife, who fears you transitioning, would want you to take the route which is more likely to end that way. My feeling is that all the time I'm buying OTC herbs and not seeing doctors and having a rigidly controlled regimen of HRT, I'm far further up the road from transition.

Lastly(2) ask yourself whether the doctor would make as much money out of you self-treating with a food supplement or using your insurance to use his services?
I don't think he is giving unbiased advice... call me cynical.

There are a good many people here who have been taking PM for years with no ill effects. I have taken an average of 3g / day for about 3.5 years, and it has pretty much suppressed my GD. Before that I was pretty much a wreck through anxiety, and a certain amount of alcohol abuse. Because of PM, I have been able to stop taking comfort in alcohol and food and lost over 30 lbs. Giving up bread products like pizza has resulted in my being cured of IBS. I've been able to take an interest in nutrition and exercise and I feel healthier than I have for decades, so PM has done me no harm, only good.

I urge you to tread carefully - do the research, and perhaps reach out in a separate thread under "General Discussion" for other opinions.

Best regards

Bryony

I know, it sounds like I'm trying to encourage you to take a path that may not be right for you. Sorry, that's not my intention. It's best to try to limit the risk that being transgender injects into your marriage anyway you can. Avoid transition, if possible, it's a very emotionally, and financially difficult course to set out on. I held it back for 66 years. It can be done if that's what you feel is in your best interest. At some point, however, if you are like me, as time goes on, your GD will grow to the where it can no longer be held in check. You'll know when that time comes, and if your wife has been a part of your journey all along, she will be in an excellent position to help you manage the crisis.

Thanks for your response, Clara. I'm probably at this point (in this thread) now because my long-term PM break has allowed my GD to flare up quite strongly. I'm 5 days or so back on it and I am already noticing some relief. I can't say with certainty that someday my body won't respond as yours did to the female hormones and push me further toward transition (I learned a long time ago never to say never), but for now that option remains closed.

I appreciate the insights from the "other side"!

Misty

On the X and the Y thing that was discussed above, from my lay interpretation of what I have read on Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome and some types of intersex, it seems to me that the X and Y just set up the initial hormone mix. After that, whether the stem cells differentiate into a uterus or prostate depends on that hormone mix.

Hi Calmly,

That is definitely an interesting interpretation. Thank you for sharing.

Misty

The XX XY thing is not really cut and dried either I am afraid, I have recently had it explained to me that there is definitely a grey area with XX XY. Apparently, most of the Y chromosome is redundant but there is an SRY gene on it that codes for protein that facilitates male development (the default being female).. However, it is never that simple, there is a gene not on the Y that can change F to M development too and one on the X called DAX1 that can change M to F development. Also there are instances of men with XX and women with XY and men with XXXY. No wonder our internal experience of gender is not cut and dried.

I have come to accept that there is probably no objective definition of Male vs Female at the individual level and, as I think Clara was positing, think that it is all subjective from an individual point of view.


It is just this realisation which has helped my SO to gradually come to terms with and accept all the changes to me and between us that this journey is entailing- well certainly it has been so far, so good. As there are no absolutes, then provided we are comfortable with each other, nothing much else really matters - the one exception being that she still has difficulty with others looking at us in the street - she is having difficulty blanking out the thought that in looking at me and then us, people are making a judgement about her. Her sensitivity to this varies from day to day. So, we compromise - if it is a really tricky day for her, I'll be a bit more guarded in what I wear, at other times, the reins are off and I can wear what I choose.

I've also just booked up a solicitors appt to change my name officially from David James Brook to Miranda Jayne Brook. This has also caused her some difficulty - I am not sure she will ever get to calling me Miranda or using 'she/her'. But I can live with that. Its another small concession to keep a very, very good and close relationship alive. Oddly enough, in many ways we are even closer now than ever before and we have always been exceptionally close indeed.

Miranda

I'm squeezed for time, but wanted to throw in a quick comment on this thread before it gets buried (again).

I'm very happy for those who are receiving at least some support from her SO. For me, I'm over in that camp that some of the others have mentioned. I'm sure my DW probably notices the minimal physical changes, but doesn't say anything. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure her stance re clothing, etc., hasn't changed (fuggetabout it), and I don't think it would be wise for me to raise that question any time soon.

This is a great thread, many thanks for the forum members that have taken the time to post a somewhat lengthy reply .

Maybe this is one of the threads that should be made a sticky, so it does not get lost over time.

I will try to put my Penny's worth of thought in the subject later on.

Yes this is a most interesting thread

some absolutes that I feel are worth mentioning

Yes we need Bryony back , her wisdom and attitude is great

significant others need to be confirmed and assured that their Tg partner is

not gay , in fact far from it,

their not going to leave them ,

we cannot help it , were born this way and for many its a curse, all we are trying to do is manage it,

for some intimacy and personal depth of relationships can be enhanced , once the fear of a social transition is not on the cards, if a social transition is in the future that is still not insurmountable for some, but the fear factor is greatly magnified ,

the kids are not going to be told, although many are very accepting,

Just my small input,

Julie

After all the encourage stories and guidlines, I finally honestly coming out to my wife today. She took it pretty calm and very supportive about my inner feeling, But she is against me processing into transition and HRT.


But after 40 years hiding my transgender to anyone, today is the best day of my life

After all the encourage stories and guidlines, I finally honestly coming out to my wife today. She took it pretty calm and very supportive about my inner feeling, But she is against me processing into transition and HRT.


But after 40 years hiding my transgender to anyone, today is the best day of my life

It's good to hear your wife is supportive. I hope everything works out for the two of you.