[jannet.duff]

[quote pid='191760' dateline='1475676986']

Yes Thesurus, I think you pretty close to 100%.  At this point, my therapist is at a level I wish my wife was at in that regards. 
[/quote]

If it makes you feel any better, I doubt too many of us do not have that problem, so your not alone in that boat.

[The First Aria]

[quote pid='191760' dateline='1475676986']

Yes Thesurus, I think you pretty close to 100%.  At this point, my therapist is at a level I wish my wife was at in that regards. 

If it makes you feel any better, I doubt too many of us do not have that problem, so your not alone in that boat.
[/quote]

Probably Jannet.  I mean even after we try to accept and come to grips with our new way of life, it's still confusing and scary.  I can't imagine what it's like for my wife.  She comes from parents, both of whom are Traditional Irish, like 3rd generation, so........

[Emma Th3saurus]

Lots of corned beef and soda bread?

[The First Aria]

Lots of corned beef and soda bread?

Ya, something like that.

[The First Aria]

O.K., today I went to my therapist with 3 questions.

1.  Why do I feel like I am waffling on rather to accept HRT if offered?

2.  Why do I feel like I am being selfish if I succumb  to the female side of things?

3.  What did she mean by saying several sessions ago that HRT could do me great good, depending on how far I go with it.


Answers:

1.  Because all of my life I have been conditioned to do, be, feel and react in every circumstance a male.  That is the same as someone coming out of a coma and realizes he/she has been in a coma for 10 years.  Things on the outside are different, but the person doesn't feel like they have aged.  But in my case, I am bewildered that I have been in a coma mentally, that she feels I have always  accepted work that kept my mind and body so busy so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I was both gender's.  And that now, I cannot keep myself busy enough and my inner being is screaming at me now that it can get my attention....

2.  Basically, for the same reason as the answer for #1, except I am worried that I have to accept being more feminine or losing all of my family, friends and loved ones.  That I have tried to reason with myself on this false narrative.  She said that many 3rd gendered or "Two Spirit" folks have been able to navigate and avoid many problems that I am so fearful of.

3.  She, as a therapist, is concerned that I may go further than I need and there is no road back, or maybe not as far with feminization as I may need.  Due in part that no matter how well meaning, or experienced a therapist or family member might be, they can still mislead 3rd gender's into not doing what's not right for them.  That the decision on how far down the road I go, is ultimately mine to make.  

I know that several of my closest friends here was real worried that going to a Gender Therapist could be bad for me.  Almost like a Doctor who believes that every ailment can be cured with an aspirin.  Or on the flip side, a Doctor who thinks because you have indigestion, they have to operate on you to remove a blockage, tumor or other restriction when in reality, a Tums or Rolaids would of cured the same problem.

I still have questions and trepidations.  But as Lotus and a couple of other's have said.....  I do NOT have to take HRT if I do not feel right about it.  But at least get some answers in the process.

I feel that today, overall, was a great day.  And I hope you all have had a great day as well....

As always, any feedback or thoughts would be nice to hear, but please keep it on subject to help me and whomever else may get solace or advice as well.

[Happyme]

Iaboy,
Thanks for the update!
And mostly I'm glad you had a great day, it does a body good.
The best I can offer at the moment is a hug.
Huggs
Bobbi

[The First Aria]

Iaboy,
Thanks for the update!
And mostly I'm glad you had a great day, it does a body good.
The best I can offer at the moment is a hug.
Huggs
Bobbi

Thanks Bobbi!  Gladly accepted too!

[Dianna1395]

Iaboy,
Thanks for the update!
And mostly I'm glad you had a great day, it does a body good.
The best I can offer at the moment is a hug.
Huggs
Bobbi

Thanks Bobbi!  Gladly accepted too!

Sounds like you're doing pretty well, overall.  Keep going! :-)

I fear I've put things off so long I don't have the option, this year...  :-(
Of course, if I don't CALL, I won't KNOW...  

Got a BITCH of work to do right now...  Can't even take my allotted vacation time. (Looking more at how to drop the 9-5 BS, since in IT it's more like 3 AM - 3 AM...)
-Dianna

[Billie]

O.K., today I went to my therapist with 3 questions.

1.  Why do I feel like I am waffling on rather to accept HRT if offered?

2.  Why do I feel like I am being selfish if I succumb  to the female side of things?

3.  What did she mean by saying several sessions ago that HRT could do me great good, depending on how far I go with it.


Answers:

1.  Because all of my life I have been conditioned to do, be, feel and react in every circumstance a male.  That is the same as someone coming out of a coma and realizes he/she has been in a coma for 10 years.  Things on the outside are different, but the person doesn't feel like they have aged.  But in my case, I am bewildered that I have been in a coma mentally, that she feels I have always  accepted work that kept my mind and body so busy so I wouldn't have to face the fact that I was both gender's.  And that now, I cannot keep myself busy enough and my inner being is screaming at me now that it can get my attention....

2.  Basically, for the same reason as the answer for #1, except I am worried that I have to accept being more feminine or losing all of my family, friends and loved ones.  That I have tried to reason with myself on this false narrative.  She said that many 3rd gendered or "Two Spirit" folks have been able to navigate and avoid many problems that I am so fearful of.

3.  She, as a therapist, is concerned that I may go further than I need and there is no road back, or maybe not as far with feminization as I may need.  Due in part that no matter how well meaning, or experienced a therapist or family member might be, they can still mislead 3rd gender's into not doing what's not right for them.  That the decision on how far down the road I go, is ultimately mine to make.  

I know that several of my closest friends here was real worried that going to a Gender Therapist could be bad for me.  Almost like a Doctor who believes that every ailment can be cured with an aspirin.  Or on the flip side, a Doctor who thinks because you have indigestion, they have to operate on you to remove a blockage, tumor or other restriction when in reality, a Tums or Rolaids would of cured the same problem.

I still have questions and trepidations.  But as Lotus and a couple of other's have said.....  I do NOT have to take HRT if I do not feel right about it.  But at least get some answers in the process.

I feel that today, overall, was a great day.  And I hope you all have had a great day as well....

As always, any feedback or thoughts would be nice to hear, but please keep it on subject to help me and whomever else may get solace or advice as well.

Iaboy,
Thanks for the update!
And mostly I'm glad you had a great day, it does a body good.
The best I can offer at the moment is a hug.
Huggs
Bobbi

Thanks Bobbi!  Gladly accepted too!

Sounds like you're doing pretty well, overall.  Keep going! :-)

I fear I've put things off so long I don't have the option, this year...  :-(
Of course, if I don't CALL, I won't KNOW...  

Got a BITCH of work to do right now...  Can't even take my allotted vacation time. (Looking more at how to drop the 9-5 BS, since in IT it's more like 3 AM - 3 AM...)
-Dianna

...

[The First Aria]

O.k., here is my latest installment.  Sorry it's so late.  But I was mulling it over in my mind wondering if A.  It would be an interesting read, B.  If it would or could help somebody else that might be having issues along this line.

Well, like most true accounts, parts of it probably is boring.  But, it is what it is....   A true account, or as much as is germaine.  I could help people in a couple of ways.  1.  Show other members that, like them, I finally figured out that I needed professional help and guidance.  2.  Maybe some of the things I relate can be directly applied to someone else's plight.

First, a short set up story.

This past weekend, my wife said she wanted to go shopping.  As both of our birthdays were within 2 weeks of one another, I figured she would finally tell me what she wanted so I could get it for her.

On the way to the department store, she said, " So, you ended up having to get rid of 2 tops and 2 pairs of jeans?"  I told her that I did, the jeans were worn thread bare and the "tops" were too tight around my chest.  I thought I was going to hear something like, "Well, if you weren't feminizing yourself, you would NOT run out of chest room!", or something like that.  But she made small talk about getting the house ready for winter etc.

We arrived, she got a cart and I said I would start looking.  I was making a B-line to the men's section assuming that I would get some feedback if I went to the women's section.  She hollered at me and motioned in a different direction, that was to the women's section.  She picked a couple of plaid blouses and suggest I try both on and to make sure there was room for me and a winter weight undershirt.  Then she said "Wait a minute, since you are going to try them on, lets find some jeans for you to try on as well.

Well, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, right there in the middle of the store.....


I told my therapist about me and my wife's shopping spree.  She had a big smile on her face and then it looked like she was choking up.

She said that my wife sounded like a real neat lady, and was sweet of her to take me shopping and sort of urging me to the women's section.

And then she asked me if I had anything on my mind.  I told her I was anxious for word back from my new Gender Doctor.  That's when she told me she received the clearance so he could talk to her regarding me.

I then told her how, sometimes, I felt selfish for even exploring HRT at any level for feminization.  Even though I used herbs and received some good results, that for me using hormones was the "real deal".

She explained how it probably was the fact that I drowned myself in hard work till my heart attack trying to suppress my feminine side.  And that like everything new and exciting a person usually gets nervous and that's how its reflecting in me.

She suggested I go somewhere I wouldn't get disturbed, someplace where I could reflect.  Also, I should get a diary and write down something to the effect of saying goodbye to being all male, and welcoming my female self.

Like I said, I wasn't sure if I would  post this  or not....  Not sure if it would help any others or if it's just the GID kicking me in the ass.  I have had no E or PM in 6 weeks.  I am frickin going batty for sure.

I don't know if any of you have went through what I am going through or not.....   I suppose some have, but for those of you just exploring....  Please don't waste time.  Get some help rather you decide you just want breasts or "going all the way" by wanting to turn in your "Man Card".  

As usual, I appreciate all observations and remarks or just plain musings.  Or, if anyone has a question.  I encourage you to post here or PM me if you think I can help.