[julieTG]

Whoa

Gamechanger ?

Julie

x

[jannet.duff]

It's just baby steps, chipping away at you a little bit at a time.

It sounds like you are finally begining to come to terms with your feelings, this in its self is a big step.

It's great that you have the support or at least tolerance from your wife, you better get used to going girly shopping ...

[The First Aria]

Whoa

Gamechanger ?

Julie

x

As far as the wife goes??  I hope to  some degree or another.  It's been really horrible the last 6 - 7 yrs being as distracted with this issue.  We used to be able to chat about everything.  But in the last year, I have been walking on egg shells with her on what I could discuss.  Look, I get it.  I threw her a curve ball with this problem.  But I have been so torn up over this that it's affected so many things.  Heck, maybe even my total outlook on my life in general.  Now maybe I can start replacing the egg shells with solid concrete????

[The First Aria]

It's just baby steps, chipping away at you a little bit at a time.

It sounds like you are finally begining to come to terms with your feelings, this in its self is a big step.

It's great that you have the support or at least tolerance from your wife, you better get used to going girly shopping ...

That would certainly be the prize on the end of the tunnel.  Or at least be able to come home from shopping and for her NOT to question everything I have purchased.  Thanks Janet.  You and Julie have really helped me feel like, in a way, we are fighting for each other.  That at least feels real comforting.   It just goes to show, that us "Gurls" need to stick together!  

And thought and opinions from the "Two J's" and Lotus really can make a BIG difference.

[Sofia Bunny]

Wow, iaboy, it seems like your wife is coming around to your changes.  I must admit I am a bit envious of you.  I have come close to having the talk with my wife, but I end up chickening out.  It's been a while, I can't recall have you decided if you are going to give HRT a try, or are you still holding out?  I hope things continue to go as smoothly as possible for you and this wonderful awakening.  

[jannet.duff]

Thanks, but just sometimes I feel like the kid in school that  says "Go on, do it or are you just chicken "

[The First Aria]

Wow, iaboy, it seems like your wife is coming around to your changes.  I must admit I am a bit envious of you.  I have come close to having the talk with my wife, but I end up chickening out.  It's been a while, I can't recall have you decided if you are going to give HRT a try, or are you still holding out?  I hope things continue to go as smoothly as possible for you and this wonderful awakening.  

I am about 60/40 on HRT.  The gender Doc don't think I will get more breast tissue, and maybe a little bump in my cup size.  He says it really should help me smooth my inner conflict some but that I should continue with counseling.  And, of course we all know that it will shift body fat to a feminine shape.

But, if I decide to go with HRT I am afraid I will have to confess all to my wife.  She knows, in her words, I take vitamins to feminize but this would be for keeps if I go on.  Also, I could ahead of time set a limit or say when I get to a stage of development I will ask for maintenance dosage.  So, I guess the short of it is there are many decisions and such I have to work out before hand.

[The First Aria]

Thanks, but just sometimes I feel like the kid in school that  says "Go on, do it or are you just chicken "

LOL.  Well, maybe.  But I never took a dare I didn't think I would come out on top of..

[The First Aria]

Went to therapy today....  We were chatting about everything under the sun....  Wife, Grand Brats being busy one day, then nothing to do the next.....  You know, just B.S.

I told her about 1 day, about last week I was watching an old time movie....  It wasn't what I would think a "tear jerk er" type..  But, for some reason, I had a crying jag....  Tears, nose running....   The whole freaking works...

She said that she was glad she didn't live with me and my wife due to the fact I am starting to move into girls puberty, and my wife leaving it!  Ya know,,....  "change of life"...  I kind of laughed and said I hoped my wife's T level would even out....  And that if my wife knew I was on E, probably would hope my E levels out.  We both had a chuckle.

As the time was over she said she would like for me to put a sort of a time line in pictures....  I must of had a " WTF" look on my face.....  She said, would it be too personal???  I said, No, I gave you the URL to Breast Nexum, That way if she wanted she could look at my "Progress Pictures" and see what some of my thoughts were before and during my therapy.

She said....  " Oh no, I meant pictures of you, like Grammar school, High School, Marriage and military...  I think it would be interesting to see in pictures your background".  I said that"" I wondered why you would want to have me bring you pics, when you had a chance to see some for yourself.  But I figured you would be embarrassed to see naked chest pictures of me, since you never visited Breast Nexum."

She said she wouldn't be embarrassed cause when she worked with TG people out in California, she got invited and went to a Nudist Outing for Trans People.  She said she even dragged her husband to one of them and he was embarrassed as hell.  LOL...

So now, dammit, what do I do????  I am tempted to print off a couple of pics and try to read how she reacts.  But I don't want to put her on defense or upset.

It just may be worth the money I am paying for her services! ! !

Anyway, I don't know if it helped to talk so much B.S. with her...  But it was worth it to talk to an adult female in person that doesn't judge negatively.

[The First Aria]

Wow, I hadn't noticed it had been so long since I posted on this thread.  Geeze!

Anyways, Bobbi asked me how I was feeling since being on HRT from last December.

I think, the best way to describe it is two stages.  1.  For the first couple of months, it was a very questionable time.  I questioned rather I was doing the right thing as well as wondering if I could stop at any time.  The answer to the first one was I was nervous as all get out.  I still had to really figure out if I was of "Two Souls" or not.  The second part was that the G.D. said that once I "reprogrammed" my body, I would still have to take either male HRT or female HRT since my T making ability would be somewhat muted in a fashion.   GULP ! ! !

So, with the above realization, I was TERRIBLY nervous.

But, as luck would have it, about 1/2 way through the 3rd month.  A calming realization came over me.  I could not describe it as euphoria, but more of a understanding.  That deep down, probably since I was little, or hell, maybe since birth, I had always been stuck in the middle.

As my breasts and hips started to move in the right direction, I found that little extra acceptance of who I really am....  A better place in my mind.   I never EVER again have to stuff my bra's, use breast forms to pretend that I had breasts.  They were starting to become a reality...  I could now truly dress either male or female or even inbetween dictated only by my mood and circumstances.

But, it also made me more aware of the fact that I would never truly turn in my "man card".  There is a certain comfort knowing that I am getting closer to becoming a "hermaphrodite" in my appearance and thoughts.  I could recall my anger if my man hood was challenged, and yet weigh the situation and the source and come to a more peaceful outcome.  I have always had empathy for other people, but now I feel it's more emphasized by not only my actions, but by thought as well.

I have conquered many fears, and worked out many problems.  Except my wife, whom I love more than 44 years years of marriage.  She is doing her damnedest to try to understand, but has some difficulty in getting totally there.  And the sasd part.  I cannot condemn, nor blame her.  I mean, my journey has taken 30 to coming on 63 years of living.  And I am still not totally there yet.

Hence, I think I will still have to rely on my Therapist a while longer.

Sorry for the longish post, but you asked for it.  So blame yourself.