[julieTG]

Good comment Aria

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Julie

[The First Aria]

Good comment Aria

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Julie

Thanks Julie.  I guess that is what I have figured out for myself being on HRT and having a very caring Therapist.

[Shawna-lee]

Aria, I lied to myself for so many years, and was incredibly homophobic for much of that time. On the outside I was somewhat transphobic too, but inside I was fascinated that I could "change" myself. When I eventually got honest with myself, after reading about gender transition purely by chance, I realized that there was definitely something there.

It came to me last year after being divorced for a year. I have started reminiscing about small incidents throughout my life and have realized that the signs may have always been there - I was just blind to them. I was told that I do things in an effeminate way, when all along I've considered myself playing out the male role quite convincingly. I am relieved that I don't need to do that anymore; now I just go with whatever I feel - sometimes I feel manly, and other times (mostly) feminine. 

I love who I am becoming - it's an exciting journey and I can't wait to see where it goes.

[The First Aria]

I'm with you Shawna.  As I think most kids.... Mom and Dad knows what's best, right?  My Mom was happy that I was interested in learning to cook for my Dad who had Radical Eye surgery in 1960.  It was for cataracts.  But in those days, they removed the whole lens, and the person had to stay flat on their backs for like a month.  I was a Kindergartner at the time, and had to rush home to feed my Dad and myself lunch.  But, I loved to cook and loved looking after my Dad.

I also was taught cross stitching and crocheting...  Ya know.  Real "Manly" things.  Not because my Mom insisted.... but because I did.

I was never a wild boy, never looked or picked fights.  Could get along with almost everyone...  I felt empathic, and always tried hard not to hurt other's feelings.  

But, I thought all the above was because I was a civilized well behaved young man..  But now have come to realize, that there was a LOT more to it....  I have always been of "Two Spirit", I just didn't know.

Yes, I am quite sad that I can not bury the real me....  Life was so much simpler when I was Naive and Stupid.  Became a football and baseball jock in H.S.  Dated lots of cute girls...  Went off to service overseas, Got shot at, and returned fire.....  Got home, married had 4 children and now have 11 Grandchildren....  Then the frikin truth hit me right between the eyes...  Not only did I feel like on occasion I had to cross dress.  But NO, there was more to it..  But, I am trying to learn to cope, and thrive.  Which is really the only natural thing to do...

[MrEricka]

I haven't read all the replies, so I'm only responding to the original post.

You stated feelings of inadequacy and not being girly enough. Take a look at the dozens or hundreds of women you see every day. They are not all girly, nor are they all feminine. Do not be discouraged because you do not look like the postergirl female.

We are all different and all beautiful in our own way.

As for other comments you made, I like my penis, I don't want it to go away. But I do want to be girly and I do want bigger breasts and many more things. I do need to be an alpha male for work, and have to tell people no and refuse their requests sometimes with no explanation. If I can do it, so can you.