Mixed bag of emotions today.
The excuse for this post to be here is that after 10 days off PM (following a longer than usual 3 1/2 weeks time using PM) all effects are still in place.
As opposed to the usual "deflating effect" and "decreased pink fog" after 10 days there is no decrease in breast size and I am in the middle of a pink storm, not just some fog. Unfortunately all side effects are also still going. One of the reasons why I am taking a break is that I failed to perform in bed with my wife twice in a row when I was using PM. Then I stopped, but yesterday I had another fail. It's like everything works as it should at the beginning, but shortly after it just "switches off" and my mind is unable to focus on the sex. She can still get me to "the end" sucking on what yesterday she called "my tits", but I am feeling bad for not giving her some good time.
The only reason why I described the above is because I connect this sort of lack of sex drive with PM directly. Just, it usually goes away a lot faster.
About the pink fog: last week I bought some non wired non padded 38A bras. They fit like a glove. No loose fabric, the band doesn't dig in my flesh, the straps don't fall off, there is cleavage when I look down. Just perfect. I am really happy that they fit so well and this provides massive validation on the fact that I have real boobs now. I can't deny that another side of me is screaming inside "WTF have you done?", but the feeling of validation is way stronger and it pushed me to go out and buy more bras. I bought larger ones to see that a 38B cup is too big and, in a way, this provided even more confirmation to me that I am a true, measurable, 38A. In my posts I almost stopped calling them "chest", "pecs" or "moobs"; it helps keeping it real.
I also wrote in the "massage and pumps" section that I toyed with a milk pump once for fun for ten minutes, but that "once" has become "whenever I have the chance" and "up to 6 times a day when I work from home".
This morning I tried to put together stuff from the "dollar store" to make a noogleberry equivalent just to see what it feels like. (almost got it right, but the "domes" were too thin and bent under the pressure of the vacuum).
Last but not least I am checking this site, Ainterol's, MWB, Fetlife, BN Discord... every 30 seconds.
So, as I said, pink fog in full swing.
Hopefully I will calm down a bit in the next few days, and it's going to be a short while before I restart PM (realistically I know that I won't be able to stay off it forever). I need to put my family life back on track, and I must re-evaluate my goals with a clearer mind. At this point it's not "I want to grow boobs" but "How big do I want/can allow them to be?".
Sorry for the weird post. I thought that it might be interesting for other, newer, PM users to see what the pink fog looks like.
Shiraz - I feel you're an old friend as I've read your posts so often.
Could I suggest to you that the power of the human mind is underestimated by many? - and is the main factor in phenomena which surprise those who underestimate it.
And before I go any further I'm not suggesting anything you're doing is *wrong*.
When considering the question of "mind" we might ask - Is biology the ultimate controller?
Many people cite the supremacy of biology as the justification for the, sometimes drastic, actions they have taken in steering their life. And I dont want to argue with them.
But if biology is not the supreme controller, we might ask ourselves - "then what is?" and search our powerful human mind for something like an answer.
Of the people I observe who have a measure of peace and control in their lives, many have the thing in common which I would describe as "spirituality". They may not be followers of any particular doctrine but they are none-the-less proving that materiality - biology - is not dragging them down. A
I think many of us underestimate NBE and the changes it makes on us.
What's your plan for when you have fully developed female breasts? Continuing to take feminizing herbs, even in periodic, small "maintenance doses" will still get you there eventually. Personally, I think that once you've awoken those growth receptors, there's no real putting them back to sleep. Not to mention the changes E has on the brain. "pink fog" is real, and it's forever so far as I can tell.
I did 3 weeks of weak herbs 4 years ago. It was enough to get things started. I stopped...but I'm certain now that I continued to grow...ever so slowly, relatively unnoticed day by day. There's no denying that i'm far more developed than I should be, given the short window and weak herbs that I did. And after another episode of high stress, the pink fog came rolling back this year. I just recently did another 3 weeks of weak herbs...it was a madness I couldn't stop. I couldn't say no...and then the pink fog lifted and I'm all "WTF, again?". But guess what? 3 weeks later off of all herbs, I'm still tingling pins and needles, still have the tell-tale dark rings and now even tender to the touch. I'm still growing. I can't imagine what PM would have done.
I'm fairly certain now that I be fully developed eventually, whether I do any more nbe or not, whether I want to be or not. Those receptors will continue to take in whatever estrogen that happens to be floating around in my system, even if it takes 10 years. And when the next bout of fog comes rolling in...and the next, and the next and so on...It's just a matter of time. Will I be able to say no? Do I want to say no?
I don't think "just a little" is possible once you start.
First of al, thank you all for your replies. They are interesting because they all come from different points of view and I can recognise part of myself in each of them.
@ariadne I know where you are coming from. At the same time I know that chemistry (like. chemical stuff) actually has an impact on us. My mind has recently been all over the place because of the many events I have going on in the next year and the relative lack of satisfaction that I am getting at work. This is definitely not helping, but the fact that I am not acting "on testosterone" as a "normal guy" is also quite clear. I really have a very very low sex drive. I used to consume quite some porn and write TG fiction, but in the last month even thinking about porn is almost and hassle and I have zero inspiration for my stories. I am trying to put my "male mind" in its place, but the lack of testosterone is noticeable.
@Julie I see what you are saying. I, too, had better performances while on PM then now. I guess I am at a point where T and (phyto)E are balanced and none of them pushes me over the edge. Still, I don't want to push PM too far too soon, so I must regain control of my T somehow. As I wrote before, it's quite a stressful time in every part of my life. I am usually pretty bad affected by my daily life when it comes to sex, and that's bad enough by itself. I feel that the lack of some "male aggressivity" from T is not helping much, though. The pink fog has rarely been this bad before.
@Boobienoobie I don't really have a plan. I keep telling myself that i will stop as soon as thing get embarassing for my wife and kid. I am now a "fully qualified" 38A. I've seen men with a 38B grown on PM and if I ever got there (which is 2 inches more on my bust) I would be in deeeeep trouble. As much as I like this journey I have no will to transition, so I must stop myself sooner or later. I believe that those 2 inches would take at least another 2 years to grow, so I feel that from a physical point of view I am still quite in control.
I agree on the fact that once the receptors are there, they are there to stay and will catch all the E in the body regardless of where it's from . I am 40 this year, ad the more I age the more it's likely my body will become unattractive (for males standard) anyway, so if I stopepd now and ended up gaining another cup by the time I'm 60 it wouldn't be a problem.
Thank you all for your advices and thoughts. It really help to have someone that understands what I am feeling and experiencing. Please feel free to chip in with any other advice or idea.
I'm with you...we've discussed this. I have no desire to transition but my fetish mind in gorging on my bodily changes right now. I whacked one of my boobs by accident last night when I opened a door.
The only time I've thinking straight is immediately after orgasm, when my mind screams "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!" I don't live in a world where I can walk around with breasts without consequences...and the consequences outweigh the benefits.
This isn't like some TG porn, where you drink the other vial and your body turns back to normal; we're stuck with these things. Sorry to be harsh, but I guess I'm telling you what I should be telling myself.
As an aside, my equipment continues to work while my breasts continue to grow. Very odd.
@Nipply Russel I understand perfectly what you say, and the same goes for me. This "pink fog" is essentially locking me in "full fetish" mode. On one side it's fun, but it's also potentially dangerous as I might go too far in my game.
I think that today I am a bit calmer, but it's also true that I still took the time for a pumping session this morning and I keep thinking of when I can go back to taking PM. It's like I am completely addicted not to PM but to the growth and all about it.
The risk of waking up with something on my chest too bg to explain is real. Once again, my logical side screams in horror whil my fetish side is thrilled.
Anyway, I had periods on PM in the past where I could have normal sex while on PM. As many TS have said, Estrogen doesn't prevent erections per se. I wonder if it was the lower-than-usual dose of PM I was taking that was lowering T and, at the same time, not giving enough E. Guess what, my fetish side is next to me saying: go back on 2000mg/day and you'll find out.
Not for now. Not yet.
(28-03-2019, 10:29 PM)boobienoobie Wrote: I think many of us underestimate NBE and the changes it makes on us.
What's your plan for when you have fully developed female breasts? Continuing to take feminizing herbs, even in periodic, small "maintenance doses" will still get you there eventually. Personally, I think that once you've awoken those growth receptors, there's no real putting them back to sleep. Not to mention the changes E has on the brain. "pink fog" is real, and it's forever so far as I can tell.
I did 3 weeks of weak herbs 4 years ago. It was enough to get things started. I stopped...but I'm certain now that I continued to grow...ever so slowly, relatively unnoticed day by day. There's no denying that i'm far more developed than I should be, given the short window and weak herbs that I did. And after another episode of high stress, the pink fog came rolling back this year. I just recently did another 3 weeks of weak herbs...it was a madness I couldn't stop. I couldn't say no...and then the pink fog lifted and I'm all "WTF, again?". But guess what? 3 weeks later off of all herbs, I'm still tingling pins and needles, still have the tell-tale dark rings and now even tender to the touch. I'm still growing. I can't imagine what PM would have done.
I'm fairly certain now that I be fully developed eventually, whether I do any more nbe or not, whether I want to be or not. Those receptors will continue to take in whatever estrogen that happens to be floating around in my system, even if it takes 10 years. And when the next bout of fog comes rolling in...and the next, and the next and so on...It's just a matter of time. Will I be able to say no? Do I want to say no?
I don't think "just a little" is possible once you start.
I've also been wondering lately if I'm still growing despite not having taken any PM in seven months. I've lost 70lbs since last summer and thought that I was going to lose all of my gains. While I have lost some size, my chest maybe only 1/2 cup smaller. Meanwhile I've lost 9 inches from my waist. Lately though I've noticed a very slight tenderness behind both nipples, it's not the intense tenderness that I get from PM but it's still there. I've started to hypothesize that I'm still growing at least a little.
I love the boobs. I wish I could get the boobs while I keep my Male parts and drive functioning.
Hello folks!
I am still off PM and I have now been for about 4 weeks. The "pink fog" I was describing has faded a bit. Unfortunately some other side effects (in bed, particularly) are still there. I am a bit stressed, non PM related, and that is not helping much in terms of sexual performances . The wife doesn't seem to mind too much, but I definitely do.
Even after I stopped using PM I felt like I wasn't done growing and I still feel the weight of my last growth spurt. Literally; my chest feels heavier and this time it's not getting any smaller while off PM. If anything I could swear that the crease under the breasts has increased in size in the last 2 weeks.
Anyway, all I have to offer today is the picture below. I still am debating with myself if it's moobs or boobs. I definitely fill a non padded 38A quite well these days. The blue bralet is not new but I keep going back to it because it really does a good job at lifting what I have without forcing it into a pre-moulded shape.
I have 3 seaside/poolside holidays lined up for this summer and I still have to take my kid to swim (with me) every Saturday at the communal pool. While I wish I could go back to PM, I think that I should stay off it at least until I am sure that I am not still growing even without taking it.
I am logging this here more as a journal entry than actual development log.
I have now been off PM for about two months. I haven't lost any shape or size, so I guess that what I have is there to stay. I also stopped using Minoxidil on my head because my erections didn't come back for the whole of the last two months. I felt really bad about it. Zero sex drive, small erections that wouldn't last more than a minute. Just terrible. Thankfully my wife is understanding and we are waiting for everything to go back to normal. Something like this never happened before while using PM. I blame the Saw Palmetto (that I only took for a couple of days) and the Minoxidil (even if it's a topical solution).
I am now in Spain on my first "beach holidays". It's a company trip and all my colleagues are around me. We spend time bare chested and in the swimming pool. Not a word was said about my chest. That's a very good thing as it makes me feel less self conscious. The bad part of it is that we also have a few female colleagues with some very nice boobs and they spend their days in bikini. I have a horrible case of boobs envy and I would restart PM right away if I had it here. If/when the problem "downstairs" goes away I will probably restart PM, this time at low doses for short periods to avoid other complications.
I haven't had much time alone at home these days, so I haven't done much pumping. The only time has been about two weeks ago and I pumped for longer than two hours per day, fifteen minutes sessions per side every hour. I really love how heavy my breasts feel after using the milk pump.
In the meantime I keep buying bras and I have now a drawer overflowing with all sort of bras and bikini tops...
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A
. The wife doesn't seem to mind too much, but I definitely do.