Interestingly, when it does go to the serious stuff, it has been while I'm dressed up pretty. My dear wife isn't disturbed by thoughts of lesbianism. "Lesbian sex", as Doodle calls it, has become our mainstay. What she won't do is take on a role that is too much associated with the male role. For example, I can't get her to put on a strap-on dildo and peg me.

CK

My wife is of the same mindset, and to be honest nothing gets her hotter than lesbian porn. I think in part this is because she is bi-curious and has stated she would love to sleep with another woman. So my cross dressing and desire to be more feminine feeds her inner cravings. The majority of our sexual interaction this month has involved me NOT penetrating her, so it has been all about her satisfaction. She does love using her strapon too as it gives her a sense of power and gives me a whole world of other feelings!

Interestingly, when it does go to the serious stuff, it has been while I'm dressed up pretty. My dear wife isn't disturbed by thoughts of lesbianism. "Lesbian sex", as Doodle calls it, has become our mainstay. What she won't do is take on a role that is too much associated with the male role. For example, I can't get her to put on a strap-on dildo and peg me.

CK

My wife is of the same mindset, and to be honest nothing gets her hotter than lesbian porn. I think in part this is because she is bi-curious and has stated she would love to sleep with another woman. So my cross dressing and desire to be more feminine feeds her inner cravings. The majority of our sexual interaction this month has involved me NOT penetrating her, so it has been all about her satisfaction. She does love using her strapon too as it gives her a sense of power and gives me a whole world of other feelings!

I have erogenous, highly orgasmic nipples. After I was divorced I had a girlfriend who went wild over my nipples. She said they brought out her "lesbian tendencies." She was like an aggressive male, constantly feeling me up, even in public places. She once did this while we were riding on a long-distance bus. She discreetly slipped her hands under a thick sweater I was wearing. Within five minutes I had a nipple orgasm. We were both astonished.

I'll be as honest as possible. My desire of transition is driven by autogynephilia (agp). This fetish is so incredibly strong that over time made me develop the desire to have female body. Just like normal men fall in love with a women, I 'fall in love' with my female self. PM work so well in term of feminizing, although I had ffs surgery as well. While I'm somewhat happy with my new looks, unfortunately transition does not solve my relationship issue. It probably little bit worse now since libido is lower. Before all this, I had a relationship with a women but it doesn't work out. The reason is because she found out my crossdressing and she hate it very much. Another reason is she is a normal sexual woman. I could not provide her that. Normal sex for me is awkward. I don't know if its because the agp eclipse my normal sexuality or whether I have normal sexuality at all.

I'll be as honest as possible. My desire of transition is driven by autogynephilia (agp). This fetish is so incredibly strong that over time made me develop the desire to have female body. Just like normal men fall in love with a women, I 'fall in love' with my female self. PM work so well in term of feminizing, although I had ffs surgery as well. While I'm somewhat happy with my new looks, unfortunately transition does not solve my relationship issue. It probably little bit worse now since libido is lower. Before all this, I had a relationship with a women but it doesn't work out. The reason is because she found out my crossdressing and she hate it very much. Another reason is she is a normal sexual woman. I could not provide her that. Normal sex for me is awkward. I don't know if its because the agp eclipse my normal sexuality or whether I have normal sexuality at all.

Autogynephilia is categorized as a 'transvestic disorder' in DSM-V. It means that one is sexually aroused by the thought or image of oneself as female. So, as you say, it's a fetish, and you're a pervert. Nice!

I, too, considered myself AGP. I wasn't aroused by the natural instinct to mount and penetrate a woman. I wanted to be mounted and penetrated, but not by a man -- I was attracted to women. The frustration of not being able to experience sexual release as a woman, led me to fantasize about being a woman with the help of pornographic literature and visual images of various kinds that would enhance the fantasy. I didn't crossdress much for practical reasons.

When I started taking daily doses of PM, all desire to fantasize that way disappeared over a two week period. Gone! I began to understand that I had a rather strong female gender identity buried in my subconscious. It was starving for estrogen. My AGP was all based on testosterone toxicity (google Dr. Anne Vitale).

I reject the term autogynephilia. I use the word 'crossdreamer', coined by Jack Molay, whenever a label is needed to slap on myself. It's a transgender condition that arises from a mixed or bi-gender identity.

Does it mess up your relationships with women. Damn straight it does, and there's nothing that can be done about it. There is no cure. It is NOT a fetish!

Finding a sexually compatible partner is going to be very difficult. Ideally, people like me want to find an 'autoandrophiliac', i.e., a heterosexual woman who fantasizes about being a man. In other words, a crossdreamer like me is a male lesbian whose ideal partner is a female who fancies herself a gay male top (a.k.a a 'girlfag'). Simple, huh?

Believe me, I feel for your plight, interbingung.
CK

So, as you say, it's a fetish, and you're a pervert. Nice!

I have no problem with these words. Fetish does not have to be degradatory. I definitely does not associate shame or other negative connotation with the word.

This is from wikipedia :
Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist.

This is accurately describe my agp.

As for the word pervert, the definition that I found is:
1. alter (something) from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.
-> It could be possible that my agp is so strong that it eclipse my normal sexuality.

2. a person whose sexual behavior is regarded as abnormal and unacceptable.
-> It is indeed not the normal, means its not follows the common population sexuality.

When I started taking daily doses of PM, all desire to fantasize that way disappeared over a two week period. Gone!

Yes. In order to effectively feminize myself, I took anti-androgen in addition of PM. In result my T is suppressed -> my sexual libido is lower -> my agp is lower.

Regarding of identity, I never have female gender identity, even after transition I still consider myself female on the outside, male on the inside. In fact in the beginning I consider myself as average as other cismale except that I have a weird fetish.

I never tried having relationship with what you say as girlfag. It could work but I found it very difficult to find.

Please don't take me wrong, interbingung. I'm not passing judgment on fetishists. What I'm objecting to is the psychiatric community's insistence that Transvestic Fetishism is a disorder, i.e., a mental illness, and that autogynephilia is a subclass in the DSM-V.

Autogynephilia, according to Dr. Ray Blanchard, asserts that all transsexual women who are not exclusively attracted to males are motivated to transition by self-obsessed sexual fetishism.

http://gidreform.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/transvestic-disorder-the-overlooked-anti-trans-diagnosis-in-the-dsm-5/

If you agree with that characterization, fine, but a lot of people find the term very offensive. It assumes the sexual orientation and gender identity are linked when they are clearly not.

DSM-V has made progress in the way mental health professionals view and treat the transgender condition, but there's still a ways to go.

CK

I have erogenous, highly orgasmic nipples. After I was divorced I had a girlfriend who went wild over my nipples. She said they brought out her "lesbian tendencies." She was like an aggressive male, constantly feeling me up, even in public places. She once did this while we were riding on a long-distance bus. She discreetly slipped her hands under a thick sweater I was wearing. Within five minutes I had a nipple orgasm. We were both astonished.

My wife enjoys mine too, and the more she plays with them it seems the more sensitive they become. To have an orgasm from just nipple play would be awesome!

Clara, this is kind of where I was going the other day... I understand the analytical mind and the quest to understand... I know it can be confusing and trying and painful. I've been there, too. I get it, really, I do.
We all spend time trying to think how we came to be who we are... but everytime some suit or doctor feels the need to coin a new term or category isn't it just an attempt (sometimes well meaning, given) to make all of us conform to someone's little boxes for their convenience. And in the process, someone always ends up feeling superior and someone else feels inferior and really bad, like something is wrong with them for the way they feel, and what they desire, and who they love and how they want to be loved.
All so the "normal" people don't have to be uncomfortable.
I don't mean to be critical of you or anyone else, and I really hope I don't cause you offense (because that is the last thing I would want)
But...
I reject that.
Happiness is the goal. Pride in who you are, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Not just acceptance and understanding, but.... pride, dammit!
I am male and female and hetero and bi and gay and princess and warrior. Sometimes a top (well not much of that lately, snicker) and sometimes a bottom. Somedays one sometimes another, and sometimes all at once.
There are just a lot of people in me.
And there are no clear lines between them.
And I want a world where everyone is allowed to be the being they naturally are with support and without judgements. What a dreamer, eh?
But I doubt I am alone. Heh heh....
I guess I am a gender rebel, eh?
Of course I am also probably full of shit....heh heh... love the madness!

Samantha, I really do agree with you wholeheartedly. I, too, despise the binary gender model where if you are not within 1-sigma standard deviation of the average male or female, OMG, you need help!

And I don't think we should go around labeling everyone. With so much variation in the sexual/gender makeup of people, it's bound to do harm one way or another.

All I'm arguing is that it is very hard to communicate ideas, theories, conditions, etc. without meaningful vocabulary. Here's a few transgender terms that I lifted from Jack Molay's blog:

http://www.crossdreamers.com/2010/01/transgender-and-transsexual-glossary.html

AGP
Androgyne
Androphile
Asexual
Autoandrophilia
Autogynephilia
BDSM
Bigender
Bisexual
Body dysphoria
Butch
CD
Closeted
Crossdreamer
Crossdreaming
Crossdressing
Crossenacting
Drag queen
Dyke
Effeminate
Fetish
.
.
.

the list goes on.


Just to discuss the complexity and diversity of human sexuality requires an extensive vocabulary, finite groupings of traits and behaviors of certain transgender sub-populations, and an understanding of causal relationships. That doesn't mean we should put everyone into a box.

Interbingung calls himself an autogynephiliac, but then makes a strong objection to the suggestion that he has a female identity, even though he's taken numerous steps to feminize himself including FFS, crossdressing, and hormones. Without a common definition of the meaning of 'female gender identity', we can't communicate about the subject very efficiently.

The difference is being able to speak in terms of certain abstractions versus talking about one's particular situation. I agree with you that pigeon holing a real person by labeling is bad, and it's unfortunate that humans do that so often. Labeling should only be used to do rough tuning (what ballpark are we in? -- to mix metaphors). Fine tuning is needed when we want to zero in on the unique attributes of an individual.

Samantha dear, I love you, and it's okay for us to disagree on things. You come from an artistic background and discipline while I come from a mathematics and engineering background. We are probably worlds apart in our thinking about many things. But despite that, I love to read your posts and learn from your knowledge and insights. Isn't that what life is about?

Keep the faith.

CK

Well I hear what you are saying, but I fear you and I will just have to disagree on this on. But, not to worry.
I love you, too, dear Clara, and I have some other friends who are engineer types and we often disagree as well, but it is always more comfortable doing so over a glass of scotch, where you can see your friends face, and wink, and be sure you are not offending them, which I would never want to do.
By the way, do you know the joke about the engineer and the talking frog?