Okay, this thread seems to have lost some steam, so let me try to revive it a little. Seems to me that we've only scratched the surface about sex before and after the start of our NBE journeys.
One of the things that stands out in many of our personal stories is the one time dependence on porn and masturbation along with an inability to enjoy normal sexual intercourse with the woman we love and are physically attracted to.
I always suspected that mine was a psychological problem, not a physical one, because reaching orgasm through masturbation and porn was never a problem. The nagging thought that I was sexually inadequate, hung up, or perverted was a constant source of shame and guilt. I assumed I was addicted to porn, because I tried to stop, but couldn't.
It wasn't at all obvious to me that my behavior was tied to my gender variant identity -- a manifestation of my gender dysphoria. I wasn't even completely aware that I had a gender identity problem. It's only in retrospect that I can see the connection. I'm wondering if others have had the same experience.
Now let me preface my remarks by noting that I don't think all men who depend on porn for sexual arousal are gender dysphoric. There certainly are other causes for developing an addiction to porn. But, is it an addiction when it's simply a means for one to cope with his gender dysphoria?
In my case, I could only be aroused by imagining myself as a woman during a sexual encounter, or through a visual stimulus of a certain kind. Whether it was real life or fantasy, it always involved a woman with physical attributes that I admired -- no, ENVIED! Somehow, I would imagine myself being the woman I was having sex with, or the woman in the photo or movie. It didn't even have to be a pornographic image. Not surprisingly, I steered clear of most man-on-woman sex act depictions. Most of my porn collection was of solo girls. I was not particularly interested in porn that had the woman in situations that I, myself, would not want to be. Some of those erotic depictions had the woman in a submissive role, others in a dominant role. I've read that wanting to take the submissive role in sexual acts is common among the MTF transgendered.
I no longer think I was addicted to porn. That's because since recognizing, acknowledging, accepting, and nurturing my female gender identity, my interest in masturbation to porn is now completely unnecessary for sexual satisfaction. There's no need to exert will power to avoid it. How could I have been addicted when I was able to rid myself of it so easily? Is addiction purely chemistry driven?
I'm also starting to reject the idea that the loss of interest in porn is because my libido has been destroyed by my herbal program. My libido is not gone, but rather transformed. I now have a more satisfying way to express my sexuality; a way that does not leave a residue of shame and guilt behind. It's the one consequence of NBE I would never want to give up.
So, please share your thoughts if you would. How has your sex life been affected, if at all? There's no right or wrong here, no judging.
To stimulate your thinking here are some questions:
Were you, or are you now, dependent on porn and masturbation to achieve orgasm?
Has your sex life changed since beginning your quest for breast development through herbal supplements? For example: Have you lost all desire? Do you still seek satisfaction in solo play? Do you find complete satisfaction with your partner? Have you other means for achieving sexual fulfillment, e.g., writing TG stories, captions, literotica, an on-line virtual life?
Do you think the ingestion of phyto-estrogens (e.g., PM) and/or anti-androgens (e.g., SP) by themselves are capable of breaking an addiction to porn, even when someone does not have a gender identity conflict?
Feel free to voice any other thoughts this post may have triggered on the subject.
Or, ignore this post and go enjoy the real thing!
Clara
